*this entry began on May 12
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
wow man, theres a lot to talk about ... lets try to make sense of alla this ...
1) LiFE’S A BiTCH
Crap man, school seems to just be getting worse and worse. I don't find anymore motivation … I mean, yeah
I’ll be a senior in two weeks, and hey,
summer will be here soon but other wanting to see the people I adore at school, I have no interest whatsoever in keeping up with grades and things like that …
I’ve had a lot of time to think about things … more so about what’s making me feel so uninterested in school … I blame it several factors …
A) Too many people are leaving … too many people I care too much about.
B) Recent progress reports from “easy A” classes have hit my GPA (not to mention my ego) pretty hard. It’s been everything but encouraging.
C) As the days go by, my parents keep putting more and more emphasis on the fact that we have less than a year on Guam.
D) The college-letter-pile is getting high … I don't even bother opening them anymore … and I’m still unsure about where I want to go.
E) I have a personal meeting early June with the visiting counselor of the University of Maryland that my mom set up. We’re supposed to discuss courses that I can take next year on the side just so I can get an early start on credits. I don’t even know what I want to do.
F) And speaking of college, AP exams are in a week. I’m so not ready for that one …
G) And this growing feeling inside that im slowly losing one of my closest friends …
When im not constantly dozing off in class I’m wasting time talking to someone about something unimportant. Man, I still cant get over how lucky I am getting a B+ on that mid term Ms. DeLaire gave us over a month ago … 25 minutes of last-minute-last-resort work and the effort of a fucking lazy ass, *sigh* damn, so many people deserve it more than me …
Zach was in my SAT class last month (again) and he saw me fall asleep! Yep, I don't believe it either … I was reading one of those excerpt sections and all I remember was that it was j u s t s o b o r i n g … and the times up alarm woke me up … the thing is that I don't really care … grade wise …
It’s not like im completely giving up though … once in a while there is a teacher who’ll confront you and tell you what a slacker you’ve been lately and that’ll get you to push yourself harder … *thanks baskwill* … but I guess one person just isn’t enough … and I feel so selfish for thinking that …
Im trying to look at things the other way … God, its always been an aphorism that I choose to run my life by after all … THiNK POSiTiVE … so, yeah …
I’ll be a senior in two weeks and yeah,
summer will be here soon … and things will get better, things will get better …
2)CONFESSiONS OF A LOVESTRUCK LOSER
That’s one possibility of a new layout im working on … this site needs to be revamped desperately … and of course there is a story behind it all …
Jarreau and I finally hooked up … the jock and the cheerleader … what a story huh? It feels weird now considering we’ve done everything together before we were an actual couple … its like, what's left? He’s super shy around my friends … I wish we can just be ourselves around other people … when its just me and him, he’s so different … so alive, my vibrant thang … and we talk and we joke and we laugh and we play … he’s very different from all the rest. He always looks unsure about whether he should hold my hand or put his arms around me … like a little boy … but then I make him look into my eyes and things just seem to work out.
I’ve wanted that for so long and now that we both got what we want its like things turned out not as we expected … maybe that’s all we needed …
my feelings aren’t the same as they were a year ago …
the passion is missing …
and im falling for someone else …
3) A SURPRiSE PARTY
It started off as my mom’s idea … let’s throw Lisa a going away BBQ at the house … man what an event it turned into! The whole week we were making plans behind her back … secretly trying to get the invitations out … secretly trying to compile the list of what people should bring … secretly trying to figure out what exactly to say … and all this time she thought no one wanted to listen to her anymore …
Lisa was asking cristianne what she was up to Friday night and cristianne tried to avoid her … lisa thought she was just being ignored …
On her way up to Andersen with Jason, she was trying to call everyone up to see what was going down for the weekend and everyone was “mysteriously” gone …
She saw all the cars parked on my street and she even saw all the shoes in our front dorr when she came in … I knew the loser wouldn’t be able to put two and two together … =D heeheehee …
lisa came in and it took forever for her to finally turn around and see all the people waiting to blow the poppers in her face and surprise her … man, that was a good one …
and to think, I was so nervous that the party would end up lame coz my parents were there and there was nothing to do at the house but eat the food …
at one point I swear there was about 30 people chillin in the house … my parents were cool with everything and everyone thought they were cool … my dad kept trying to talk to people … and mel and Madeline was sucking up by talking in Tagalog and everything … that was funny.
by 9, my parents went to crash while we stayed up partying … whipped out the karaoke and shimizu came alive! man, that was the funniest thing! … everyone was into it … that was weird … the music was on full blast and it didn’t even bother my parents who fell asleep … we weren’t even close to done after 4 more hours of singing … joy busted out the guitar and everyone sang … and sounded drunk …
well I guess it would be nice
if I could touch your body
I know not everybody
Has got a body like me
But I gotta think twice
Before (mumble mumble mumble) …
it was like 1 in the morning when the last of the people left … jarreau jermaine cristianne reinhold chad brent time matt david aldrich robbie cj and a few others … it was cool how everyone was helping my mom and saying goodnight to her and everything … hell yeah we got rid of the left overs!
a lot more happened and everyone keeps calling telling me they want to come over and do it again … I was just so happy that everyone had fun and that the surprise for lisa was good … I wanted to cry for her!
I’ll have the pictures up as soon as Kevin gets his film developed … his camera got better shots than mine …
Man, so many close calls …
Freak Lisa!!! See how much we love you!!!!! even your own parents were in on it this whole time … you’re such a tard for not figuring it out! =D
4) BOOTY CALLS
Sike … I stayed up on the phone 6 hours and 3 minutes talking to ryan about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness … hehehe … just about everything … it was like 4:30 when I finally had to hang up coz my dad got up to go play golf … last time me and ryan stayed up on the phone, I got caught around 12:30 in the morning and as a punishment, I had to wash cars … nevermind …
But yeah, we got into some pretty interesting subjects and we both learned a lot about each other that we didn’t know … man, its amazing how much talk you could come up with in 6 hours …
His parents are off island and he kept shoving that idea into my face by talking all loud when I couldn’t and laughing all loud when I had to suppress my giggling. What an EEE DI OAT!
I was getting scared coz
I still know what you did last summer was playing on tv … damn channel 13 and the horror movie marathon …
*after May 12
Rest In Peace, My Friend
I had to shut down the site for a while. The afternoon I started this
blog (May 12), I found out a really good friend of mine had attempted suicide. My unsure feelings were confirmed the following Monday at school when it was announced that he was on life support at Naval Hospital. School was changed to a half day and I went down to the hospital with a few friends to see if we could do anything for the family.
Robin was in our Japanese class and this year we got really close. He was here last year but we didn’t really know each other … plus, we had a conflict of interest as far as friends go … but anyways … I made it a point to take Chad, Jihee, Jahara, Steven, and Lisa to the hospital with me because of the sheer fact that we are a family in our class … we sit with each other everyday and share such a wonderful relationship that I felt we all needed to be there for robin together. Lisa was sick and steven and jahara couldn’t go … I felt bad for jahara too coz she wasn’t in school Monday and had to learn about everything later. We went up with a whole bunch of other people and most had to be back home at a certain time. I stayed back at the hospital with ryan jihee and aldrich. Aside from the girlfriends, we were the only other ones from school left at the hospital.
I don't think either of us had any idea of how long we’d stay there but around four that afternoon, we found out that Robin had flatlined. I cant even bring myself to explain what the four of us (outsiders, if you may) went through that afternoon. We were there through everything and having to have witnessed it all is still hard to think back to. We stayed for the first viewing of robin’s body and stayed for the very first rosary at the viewing room …
Having to see everyone (the family) break down was hard, of course. The first few weeks it happened I couldn’t sleep without hearing Rodney and
Anna crying and yelling in my head. It’s still hard to get rid of their voices sometimes. I talked to the dad the night of the rosary in the viewing room … I hugged him and all he said was to pray for Robin.
It hurts to pray sometimes because when I do, im hit with the reality all over again … Robin’s gone … Every time I pray, I come to tears …
The following weeks at school have definitely been different. Japanese class isn’t quite the same. Our group is usually the loudest, most hyper, and yet, the smartest … now, we’re just quiet and calm. Even Steven. That’s what was killing me inside too … seeing this group of ours - the usually happy, laughing people – breaking down. Damn, we even had plans to try and get into the same Japanese 2 class next year …
Just a few days before he died, he was talking to me and lisa about how excited he was coz he opened up his site and wanted us to sign his guestbook. He’s only one of a very few people from school who knew about our site so it was cool how he found ours. He was the last person to sign our guestbook too …
It’s not an easy thing getting over someone like
Robin. In such short time we got to become close friends. He was such a great person.
To the Yolangco family, our hearts go out to you … Rest In Peace Robin-san.
Love always, Marjo-jojo, Chado, Jahara, Steven, Lisa Bo Bisa, & Jihee (Japanese 1, Period 2)